Our Engagement

It is spring 1999. A certain young man's fancy turns to love. He had just about everything a man could ask for in life – four lovely children, a warm and open extended family, a fulfilling profession, good friends, opportunities to pursue his passion for outdoor recreation, and a religion that gave him a spiritual tradition by which to live. One thing was missing. Spending time with a woman who made him happy was certainly nice, but it just didn't give him the completeness, the sense of comfort and warmth, that comes with a lifelong commitment.

Yes, he had decided to propose. Did he wonder if the answer would be:

?

Not really. He was blessed with amazing powers of analysis and observation. Based on the subtlest of clues, from body language, turns of phrase, and slight inferences, he had concluded that with some persuasion, he just might be able to convince her to say yes. Of course, he was aided in his thought-process by the newspaper clipping she had left for him on his pillow one evening –

As it happens, the certain young woman had long since figured out that he and she were made for each other. She just had to convince him of this.

A dear friend had suggested that she was taking altogether the wrong tack. As a master planner, with a prodigious memory, the young woman had taken over the couple's social calendar. Not that he disdained company or preferred solitude; far from it. Rather, he simply couldn't remember at the end of a telephone conversation the date on which he had booked a social engagement. Acknowledging this fact, the friend had reminded our young woman that she kept track for the both of them of all their bookings and obligations. What difficulty would it be to send out invitations, rent the hall, hire the rabbi, and just tell the young man when to show up?

As admirable as this solution may appear, the woman in question had chosen the route of patience. But, she had begun to wonder just how long this would take. She had even started to think that he might never figure out this simple matter. Resignation had crept in.

Meanwhile, he was plotting. He loved surprises, and he knew that she loved surprises too (IT'S A GOOD THING). This could only mean one thing. He would have to throw her off the track as long as possible, and spring the proposal at precisely the right time. Romance was essential. Bended knee would be nice, but he knew that he had better make the wait worth it to her. He knew he had better propose in a way that would allow her to retell the story to all she met, for years to come. When and where would that be? First, he had to visit a jeweler, and commission a certain item of jewelery. Next, he needed the right location. As it happened, they were to go to France and Hungary that summer – a more perfectly romantic place could not be found.

All that spring, he pored over maps of France, read guidebooks, and planned the perfect day and place. A plan was hatched. They arrived in the South of France, and joined up with the rest his family, who were staying at a rented house in a tiny village:

Everyone in the family was filled with joy for the engagement. This was a lovely environment to join, but the celebration was for his daughter’s engagement, not his. He knew that he would have to keep his secret just a little bit longer. To combine the two celebrations would dilute each of them; not unlike celebrating a birthday on a public holiday.

This did not daunt him. He knew what he wanted, and waiting a few days would only enhance the pleasure when it was ultimately achieved. After a week in France, they hopped a flight to Budapest.

Although this is a lovely city, with a long history, they agreed that it was not the city they would have wanted to return to again and again. In other words, it was not the spot he needed. He was undaunted. They soon drove their rental car to central Hungary, to catch the long-awaited solar eclipse; they rose at 5:00 AM to avoid the crowds.

What at first seemed like a wonderful spot for a proposal was quickly ruled out. Tens of thousands of people crowded into a tiny stripe of totality, each one attempting to operate a telescope more complicated than his neighbor's, did not make for quiet and romance.

And on it went. Place after place was either impossible or just not quite right. The Persiad meteor showers occurred after a 4 hour drive (remember the 5:00 start?), at the end of which only sleep was right. A boat on the Danube was hired, but shut down operations far earlier than expected. The giant ferris wheel in Vienna stopped selling tickets 30 minutes before the advertised closing time.

Time was running out. Eventually, only one night remained. But, this night was in Paris. Paris, the city of light, of love, and of romance. With only an hour left before it closed, they caught a taxi to the Eiffel Tower. It had stairs, so they climbed up ... and up ... and up. Finally, at the second stage, they could go up no more.

He knew this was the right time, and the right place. They wandered over to a quieter corner of the tower.

Him – I never gave you a birthday present, and I have something for you.

Note that both of these statements were true. As a matter of fact, he had purposely not given her a birthday present, so that he could make just this speech, even though the two statements have nothing to do with each other. Oooo, he was sneaky.

He takes out of his pocket a small silk bag.

Him – It's not a ring!

Her – I know it's not a ring (deep sigh).

Then, he opens the bag, and produces a bracelet. Again, he had made a true statement. Of course it wasn't a ring. Well he knew that she was the keeper of her grandmother's ring, and was waiting for the right chance to wear it.

Him – I had this bracelet made for you. It has a pair of skis’ because we met on a ski trip; a house, because my house is now your house; a pair of scissors, because you have to cut off your long nails...

Another quick digression. For years, he had pestered her to cut off her nails. She had protested that they were a part of her. Finally, she promised that the nails would come off her hands when a certain item of jewelry went on it.

Resuming as he was speaking:

and a heart, because you have my heart ... and because I want you to marry me.

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Last modified: Tue Dec 28 15:16:52 EST 1999